My most important lesson from marriage and divorce recovery counseling was the difference between issue and interest. It took a while for me to grasp the concept of issue versus interest but now that I have it, I can always figure out and understand why something is bothering me. I went through two marriages fighting over issues. I learned to discover the interests (which are wants, needs, desires) that make a problem your problem. I learned you really need to figure out why something is a problem to you and then clearly express it. This clearness makes it easier to talk to your spouse.
Married For Five Years, Twice Divorced Previously
Relationship and Divorce Recovery Coach
In a private counseling session I was asked, "Do you know your partners heart?" When we were just getting into an argument I realized that no matter what he was saying to me or sounding like or appearing as, if I asked myself the question, "Is this his heart?", it slowly began to soften the anger I was feeling. No matter how much in love you are in the beginning, conflict will happen.
Sheila Crowley Roddy
Twice Divorced Previously
Makeup Artist/ Author
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Believe it or not, our very distinguished, dignified, middle-aged rabbi told us two things during our "counseling session," which were: Never say no (to sex) and don't kvetch to your parents about something your spouse has done—you'll forget about it but your parents won't!
Married 40 years
“Secrets to Meditation”
Do not make your partner be the source of your happiness and stimulation. You have to be your own source and your partner is your companion along that journey. Some day you will be bored with your partner, especially sexually, because people get used to each other. You may be tempted to "cheat" for excitement. That's when you have to realize the boredom is coming from within, and you have to find something in life that you are passionate about!
Married 12 Years
Author of “The Live Food Factor, The Comprehensive Guide to the
Ultimate Diet for Body, Mind, Spirit & Planet”
Cuenca, Azuay, Ecuador